Bob Van Oosterhout

Week Ten Daily Dose of Love
Home
Support Opportunity & Service Circles - A Neigborhood Organizing Tool
About Bob (...What about Bob?)
Anger and Impulse Control
Anxiety, Depression, PTSD
Balance
Behavioral Health Integration with Primary Care
Bring Truth to Fear: We CAN Work Together
Counseling
Hard Times Cafe Model of Empowerment
Leadership
Links to Videos for Online Stress Management at LCC
Love
Managing Chronic Pain and Headaches
Mental Health
Moral Philosophy
Pictures
Politics
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Practical Psychology: What Works and Makes Sense
Problem Solving - Responding Effectively to Problems
Slow Down and Lighten Up
Spiritual Writing
Stress Management
Videos
What Works
Resume/Curriculum Vitae
Comments, Suggestions, Discussion

Enter subhead content here

Week 10 Daily Dose of Love

 

(#64) 3/5

   Woe to You When All Speak Well of You

 

Luke 6:26

“Woe to you when all speak well of you, for that is what their ancestors did to the false prophets.

 Being liked is quite different from being loving.   Whether someone likes or speaks well of us often depends on whether we please or impress them.  Desiring that “all speak well of us” requires perpetual compromise in order to meet everyone’s whims and wishes while avoiding confrontation and disagreement.  This is very different from love.  The desire to be liked at all times diverts us from true compassion, awareness, and understanding which form the foundation for a loving relationship. It is not only possible; it is necessary to love when we are not liked.  Otherwise, love would remain fleeting and superficial.  It is a fair statement to say, that in a committed relationship, true love does not really began until we come to a moment when we don’t really like our partner much.  Love that deepens involves choosing to keep an open heart in spite of disapproval and disappointment.  Love requires humility effort and commitment. It reaches new depths each time we choose to work through struggle and conflict.   There may be times when being truly loving requires clear boundaries and hard choices to put limits on inappropriate or destructive behavior.  This is seldom appreciated in the short-term but it can open what may be the only door to maturing and lasting love. We can focus on being liked or we can choose to love - we can’t do both.  

Principles of Love:

Commitment; Acceptance; Compassion; Opening; Suffering; Humility; Decision

 

Reflection/Discussion:

What makes other’s opinion of us so important?

 

Pray through the Day:

Help us to love

When our will is weak

   

(#65) 3/6

Salt of the Earth

 

Matthew 5:13

“You are the salt of the earth; but if salt has lost its taste, how can its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything, but is thrown out and trampled under foot.

 

Mark 9:49-50

“For everyone will be salted with fire.  Salt is good; but if salt has lost its saltiness, how can you season it? Have salt in yourselves, and be at peace with one another.”

 

Luke 14:34-35

“Salt is good; but if salt has lost its taste, how can its saltiness be restored? It is fit neither for the soil nor for the manure pile; they throw it away.  Let anyone with ears to hear listen!”                

 Love can turn a bland, potentially boring experience into a delightful, wondrous occasion.  Just as salt arouses the deeper flavor in food, love brings out the true character of another human being.  We cannot accurately judge the full taste of a meal without salt.  Neither can we discern the deeper qualities and potential of another person without love. The only way we can know what someone is really like is to love them.  Withholding love in order to determine if it will be deserved or appreciated is like refusing to put salt on our food until we’re sure it tastes good.   We are different when we don’t feel loved.  We become cautious and defensive.  We hold back and push away.  When we feel loved, we can be ourselves.  We open to the deeper potential in ourselves and others.  We become free and spontaneous.  Our true nature, what God created us to be, shines through. The good news is that God, our creator, loves each one of us to the depth of our being.  As we become seasoned by that love, we began to see the potential for love in everyone else.  

Principles of Love:

Nature; Opening; Decision; Commitment; Vision

 

Reflection/Discussion:

Under what conditions are we most likely to withhold love?

 

Pray through the Day:

We were created

From God’s love

   

(#66) 3/7

Light of the World

 

Matthew 5:14-16

“You are the light of the world. A city built on a hill cannot be hid. No one after lighting a lamp puts it under the bushel basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all in the house.  In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven.”

 

Mark 4:21-2

He said to them, “Is a lamp brought in to be put under the bushel basket, or under the bed, and not on the lampstand?  For there is nothing hidden, except to be disclosed; nor is anything secret, except to come to light.  Let anyone with ears to hear listen!”

 

Luke 8:16-17

“No one after lighting a lamp hides it under a jar, or puts it under a bed, but puts it on a lampstand, so that those who enter may see the light. Or nothing is hidden that will not be disclosed, nor is anything secret that will not become known and come to light.”

 Love is like light in that it simply exposes what is already there.  Turning on a light doesn’t change what is in a room but it does keep us from bumping into furniture and knocking things over.  Turning on the light allows us to see and work with what’s there.[1] Loving another person doesn’t, in itself, change them.  But it allows us to see them as God created them to be, and it makes it more possible for them to see themselves in terms of their God-given potential. Our ego tempts us to build a spotlight that “shows the way.”  But a spotlight only illuminates a small part of reality.  Shining a powerful beam in someone’s eyes actually blinds them so that they turn away. We cannot push or force love.  But it is our deepest nature is to move toward God.  Our job is to make sure that nothing blocks or shades the light of God’s love for us.  

Principles of Love:

Nature; Opening; Compassion; Vision

 

Reflection/Discussion:

Why are we tempted to keep some issues and concerns “in the dark?”

 

Pray through the Day:

We were created

From God’s love

   

(#67) 3/8

Jesus Comments on the Law

 

Matthew 5:17-20

“Do not think that I have come to abolish the law or the prophets; I have come not to abolish but to fulfill.  For truly I tell you, until heaven and earth pass away, not one letter, not one stroke of a letter, will pass from the law until all is accomplished.  Therefore, whoever breaks one of the least of these commandments, and teaches others to do the same, will be called least in the kingdom of heaven; but whoever does them and teaches them will be called great in the kingdom of heaven.  For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”

 Jesus fulfills the letter of the law by showing us how to live the spirit of the law - by showing us how to love. The law is like scaffolding that workmen build in order to work near the top of a building.  The scaffolding is necessary to support the workers and allows them to reach what needs to be done.  But building the scaffolding is not the whole job.   

The purpose of laws and commandments in the church is to give direction and support so we can open our hearts to God and each other.  Simply following the commandments is not the whole job.  The real job is to allow God’s love to move through us into our world.  Building the scaffolding puts us in a position to be effective. Then its time to get to work.

  

Principles of Love:

Nature; Opening; Decision; Commitment

 

Reflection/Discussion:

What makes loving harder than following commandments?

 

Pray through the Day:

We were created

From God’s love

   

(#68) 3/9

Jesus Comments on Anger

 

Matthew 5:21-26

 “You have heard that it was said to those of ancient times, ‘You shall not murder’; and ‘whoever murders shall be liable to judgment.’  But I say to you that if you are angry with a brother or sister, you will be liable to judgment; and if you insult a brother or sister, you will be liable to the council; and if you say, ‘You fool,’ you will be liable to the hell of fire.

So when you are offering your gift at the altar, if you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift.  Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are on the way to court with him, or your accuser may hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you will be thrown into prison.  Truly I tell you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penny.”

 The function of anger is to push others away.  When a dog growls, we back off.  Pure anger only exists in the face of an immediate threat.  When anger is out of proportion to a situation, it’s a result of built-up of tension that usually comes from holding in emotion or living under stress. Holding on to anger toward someone is a decision that continues to push them away from us.  The tension we build not only interferes with our life but it pushes us away from Godl. Letting go of anger allows us to discern the emotion underneath the anger. (Anger always comes from another emotion such as fear, frustration, embarrassment, hurt, etc.)  Clarifying these underlying emotions in an accepting and respectful way makes healing conflict and discord possible. Holding on to anger isolates us from God and each other.  Letting go of anger by dealing with the underlying emotion and resolving conflicts allows us to open our hearts to God and helps us to see him in others. 

Any obstacle to loving another person becomes an obstacle to receiving God’s love.  Jesus tells us that loving God and loving others is all part of one and the same love.

  

Principles of Love:

Acceptance; Decision; Commitment; Opening

 

Reflection/Discussion:

How can we prevent our anger from pushing others away?

 

Pray through the Day:

Not my will

But yours be done

   

(#69) 3/10

Jesus Comments on Adultery and Divorce

 

Matthew 5:27-32

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’  But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.  If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away; it is better for you to lose one of your members than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.  And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away; it is better for you to lose one of your members than for your whole body to go into hell.”

 There is a joke about a man who loses his keys outside but goes into his house to look for them because there is better light there.  Looking for another person whom we may think might be easier to love undermines the entire concept of what love is all about. Anyone who says that love is not hard and difficult work has never experienced deep love.  The good news is that this hard and difficult work deepens our capacity to give and receive love by stretching and opening our hearts.   

If the man who lost his keys had brought a light with him, he would have found his keys where they were all along.  The opportunity to love is in front of us at all times, but we need the let the light and example of Christ flow through are hearts so we can clearly see what is right in front of us - another child of God.

  

Principles of Love:

Commitment; Vision; Acceptance; Opening

 

Reflection/Discussion:

How can we distinguish between a temporary illusion of love and love that is true and lasting?

 

Pray through the Day:

Help us to love

When our will is weak

   

(#70) 3/11

Jesus Comments on Oaths

 

Matthew 5:33-37

“Again, you have heard that it was said to those of ancient times, ‘You shall not swear falsely, but carry out the vows you have made to the Lord.’ But I say to you, Do not swear at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, or by the earth, for it is his footstool, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black. Let your word be ‘Yes, Yes’ or ‘No, No’; anything more than this comes from the evil one.”

  When we love fully there is no need for grand gestures, oaths, or proclamations.   The need to prove that we love can be construed as evidence of our inability to love.  When we love fully and completely, there is no need for proof or embellishment. Love is enough all by itself.   All love ultimately comes from God.  We can open our hearts to receive it and share it but we cannot add anything to it through our own efforts. 

Principles of Love:

Decision, Vision; Commitment

 

Reflection/Discussion:

What is the difference between hearing you are loved and knowing you are loved?

 

Pray through the Day:

Help us always

To choose love



[1]Stuhlmeuller, Carroll,  Biblical Meditations for Ordinary Time, Weeks 1-9, p224-225

Enter content here

Enter content here

Enter content here

Enter supporting content here